


Noxious

by hedoro



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 23:38:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12692526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedoro/pseuds/hedoro
Summary: A series of drabbles...





	Noxious

**Author's Note:**

> A series of drabbles that were written one after the other. Some, if not all, have the potential to be loosely linked together if you wanted to read them that way.  
>   
> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy! ♥

“I love you,” Aoi whispers into Uruha's sweat-dampened neck, drunk on the scent of expensive cologne, cheap alcohol and the promise of something a lot like love in his heart but not in his head.   
  
The sarcastic bite of laughter that follows his confession cuts through his thoughts and stabs at flesh. It tattoos truth to the backs of his eyelids and it rings in his ears annoying like tinnitus. It forces him to see his world for what it is, forces him to hear what he doesn't want to hear—thinly veiled accusation in piercing eyes and mocking undertones in place of the usual soft, lilting sounds.   
  
_Liar, liar, pants on fire._   
  
It's branded into his hollow, bleached bones and he groans when he tastes words that burn like hot ash on the tip of his tongue. Or maybe that's just the taste of days-old cigarettes, stale beer and the bitterness of being used. Infused and incensed.   
  
He can hear it Uruha's every word, see it in haunted brown eyes. A desperate, deadly cry that is both silent and shrill. It cuts the palpable tension between them, electric and on fire, as Uruha breathes in ragged and hard. Slowly dying on every inhale, exhale while Aoi and all his noxious chemicals seep in as his fingers press into hips with bruising pressure, causing lesions upon already scarred tissue.   
  
He's like a cancer eating away at Uruha's sanity. It's complicated when it shouldn't be. But Aoi's not gay and he shouldn't like guys.   
  
"Try telling me that when you're sober."

*********

"I'm sorry."   
  
It's bit out through teeth and full of grit, his words like sandpaper are rough on his tongue. They're not words that he's familiar with in a situation like this, he isn't used to fighting to get what he wants. Then again, everything about this situation is foreign to him. The hows and whys are something he is unable to comprehend. It's all twisted and confusing, lost in a maze of feelings, contending with the lingering haze of anger and doubt.   
  
His chest is aching and words... Words that explain it all, are so hard to find and so very hard to wrap his tongue around. Vowels and consonants making up such small words that mean everything but may as well have been said in another language for all the good that they do.   
  
Eyes meet and lips are read just like the lines that are always read between; navigated and understood.   
  
Still, it all falls on deaf ears. Acknowledged and cast aside.   
  
_You're too late. I couldn't wait._

*********

"What did you say? I didn't quite catch that."   
  
It's so desperate and degrading, lowering himself to such cheap tactics. Just to have it be said again. Just to hear it all and make it real in his mind that cheats and keeps him from happiness.   
  
"I want more... of us."   
  
Somehow, despite how much quieter it is when Aoi repeats it again, words feeble and tone meek... It's loud in Uruha's ears, like the sound of glass shattering and gunshots ringing. Or maybe that's just the sound of his taped up heart bursting at words that are coming far too late and it's only the blood rushing through his ears that he's hearing.   
  
He's falling apart but somehow holding together, all in the same broken breath.   
  
He doesn't know much anymore, only that he doesn't want to be a husk of a man reduced to keeping dirty secrets between sheets and telling shady lies by omission.   
  
"You should have told me sooner."

*********

"Come over."   
  
Words are breathed down the receiver, heady and alluring. It's a demand, not a request or an insecure question because Aoi doesn't have to ask, sure that he'll get his way. For all their attempts to stop-restart-move on, they keep coming back to this—to each other.   
  
"I can't. He's home soon. I promised I'd greet him at the door for once," Uruha replies quietly. The guilt is chewing him up on the inside and the anxiety that their ruinous secret might be overheard keeps him up at night.   
  
"Come meet me at my door, instead. He's old enough to know and stupid enough to stay, he can handle it."   
  
It's arrogant and full of snide venom that is not directed at him in any way but he can't help thinking that... If Reita's stupid for staying, then surely he's stupid, too, for going back to beating a horse that by all counts should be dead.   
  
Betting on it wouldn't win them anything. The favourite didn't always get the results people wanted. Playing it safe did.   
  
"I can't. Not tonight. Sorry."

*********

It's quiet, too quiet.   
  
And Uruha knows that Reita knows. Without even hearing it, Uruha knows. It's written on Reita's face and it's embedded in his deep, brown eyes that were once full of love, now cold and hard.   
  
Reita doesn't have to say a thing for Uruha to know that he has broken his heart.   
  
Silent as the grave and completely reserved in his anger. It's a trait Uruha always admired but now that he's on the receiving end, he has come to hate it. He doesn't understand how Reita is always so calm and gentle toward him, even in moments when his heart is breaking and his world is falling apart around him.   
  
Uruha would take a fist to the face, a kick to the stomach. Anything, if only it killed the silence in the room. He wants to hear Reita scream at him because it's the least he deserves.   
  
But he knows that Reita won't. And the silence is killing him but he knows Reita knows that and the worst of it, is what Reita isn't saying at all.   
  
_I love you. I forgive you._   
  
Because he knows, they both do, that it's the last thing that Uruha deserves in all this.


End file.
